It’s out in the open; I have admitted it – I suffer (sweetly) with Multiple Character Disorder. Last week I told some stories that each of I/me/us have experienced, so I continue now with some more selected memories.

I got to travel, not only around South Africa, but I performed in Kenya, Holland, Belgium, France, Italy and the U.K as my various characters, including being a professional animal. People still look amazed when I tell them I did this for 10-years – and especially Jasper’s (7) buddies stare at me with somewhat of an amazed look. It was hard work, you better believe it, but mostly I can say that it was a lot of fun.

Abbie Ant (ABSA) - This suit was proposed to ABSA and accepted after an in-house competition to find a mascot had failed to find anything better. He was really cool. A Super Hero Ant. He had a massive 7-meter blow-up replica, as well as little Ant dolls made, all including the extra set of arms that were attached to a corset, and a very large ant bottom.

One of the funniest moments that Abbie Ant had to endure was at his launch in Johannesburg in January 1999. A press conference was arranged where ABSA’s new mascot was going to be introduced with music, dancing (yep, and I had 3 left feet…) and cute little mini-ants to accompany me/him.

The thing was, I had worn the suit many times, at fittings as it was created, and of course posing in front of the mirror at home, but hadn’t yet got physical in it. The extra arms around my midriff swung all over the place when I wiggled my bulbous ass, and so I had attached little hooks to the hands to keep the fingers interlocked, looking suave (well, as suave as an over-sized ant can look) and composed. But dancing with these arms was something different.

With every up and down, reaching across and wiggle of my bottom, the middle-arms would bounce up and down, the hands landing right over my crotch each time. There was laughter, and I just thought the press was enjoying the show, but little did I realize that my cavorting lead to the nick name of ‘wank ant’. I removed the hooks straight after that and made sure there was no more ‘heavy-petting’ in public!

KaCey the Kanga(not Zuma’s)roo – I launched KaCey for Kenilworth Centre, but as I didn’t design the suit, I only appeared in it a few times. It had a massive head made from fiberglass that cut into my shoulders, a tail that wasn’t very sexy, and definitely had the mark of some advertising executive sitting in an office chewing the end of a pencil in terms of design. They shouldve tried it on themselves before putting some poor sod like me in it!

The day we launched was hot-as-hell! A wendy house with white picket fence had been placed in the centre-court, and there were hundreds of kids waiting in anticipation for me/him/it to make our appearance, because of weeks of promotions preceding my/his birth.

It must’ve been 40 degrees in that wendy house, and when I burst out the door at the allotted hour the temperature in the centre rose by degrees as the eager kiddie-winkles tried to all hug me once. I hugged, and danced (I never dance – but some of these characters I have in me just want to boogie!), patted moms bottoms, and shook hands with fathers. I handed out sweets and promotional goodies, bounced around, and sweated. Man – did I sweat!

Taking a break with loads of Energade poured down my throat (my hands were a little big) I said to the centre manager, and Lenny, that if I collapsed out there between the masses that under no circumstance were they to remove my head! “Just pick me up and drag me out of there!” Ever the professional, I know I would have killed off the lovable character on its first day if those kids had seen my bald head inside him. Needless to say, that was the last I had to do with KaCey – exorcism by heat, it seemed.

Simon van der Stel - Although I had no official training with make-up, I loved playing around and altering my appearance. So when one-off opportunities arrived to be someone else for a day, I’d sit down and create false beards and moustaches, Mohawks and wounds (the neighbourhood kids loved going home to shock mom with their gashes and open oozing wounds).

Simon van der Stel appeared out of the trees at Vergelegen Wine Estate to tell some prospective clients and tour operators some of the history of the farm. Three hours of make-up for a 20-minute alternative history lesson.

To describe the faces of the petrol attendants at the Engen 1 Stop when I stopped for a tank up is difficult, because only a Tokoloshe could probably have the same effect on those poor guys. They didn’t even hang around for a tip after washing my windows, preferring the safety of a staring-&-whispering-huddle with a pump between us.

Chick-E – I often would end up at events where the mascots of other sponsors would be strolling around, but because I was a pro, I had to make sure I was the one that was remembered well after the event.

There was a time in Nelspruit when the KFC’s chicken (Chicky - yes, I agree, how boring can you get?!) looked me up and down the wrong way – as chickens can do. Bad move dude - but he had no idea he was clucking with the wrong chick.

As soon as he turned his back I grabbed him from behind and humped him (at least I wasn’t crossing the species line), much to the delight of Engen’s regional manager. But with all forms of physical entertainment, it’s the speed with which you get in and out that makes the gag, and so by the time the KFC’s chicken was able to turn around to see who had plucked him, Chick-E was already shaking hands and high-fiving the chuckling crowd. (No photos of that incident, as this is a child-friendly site)

Luckily, I could always just blame the animal in me.